My Fondest Regret…

This post is going to be wildly off-topic, ridiculously sentimental, and may ramble a bit, so if you wish to read further, please bear with me. It is an open letter to someone I haven’t seen in years and haven’t tried to out of respect for her marital status and any wishes she may have pertaining to this.

Nonetheless, it’s something I simply must get off my chest for reasons that may or may not be expressed here. Here goes…

It’s been since the summer of 1995 when I last met you with your then fiance, whose name I hadn’t the courage to ask, but as I told the two of you then, he’s a lucky guy.

I don’t know if the two of you are still married, and I don’t have to. Like then, as now, I wish you both good health and good fortune wherever you are and regardless of anything happening since our last meeting then.

But though I try to fool myself, and convince myself that I’m past you, your face, your name, your voice…in some way or fashion, every day since that last meeting, you intrude upon my thoughts, and sometimes my dreams.

But always in a good way, nothing that brings me pain, only satisfaction of a good friendship when a messed-up-in-the-head, insecure, clueless nerd like me first met you in high-school, and the way you’ve shaped my views of love and humanity ever since, even though I’ve never dated you, and didn’t ask you out when you offered me the chance.

When you told me to my face that you loved me.

The past is dead, gone forever, but my memories of you last as long as my brain remains operational, as long as a shred of reason and memory lasts. We were friends, and when by chance our paths cross again, if they do, I hope that we remain friends as we parted.

You are one reason I’m a skeptic, but a good one, one that brings joy and meaning to it, not sadness or anger. You’ve NEVER done me wrong.

There are certain ways I will no longer think of you, certain ways that I cannot think of you, for I’m not as hormone-addled as I was in my teens, and there are ways in which I’ve moved beyond that, but the profound way you’ve positively affected my life, despite the fact that what might have been never truly was (my greatest error), and missteps like my last disastrously toxic relationship in 2009 with that woman, with whom my vaunted skepticism was sorely lacking when it was needed, you were and still are the biggest influence on my life, and that I won’t forget, as long as I draw breath.

Thank you.

You even once called me a genius to my face, a term I don’t think that I really merit, that I’ve really earned, but you said it in complete sincerity, in that tone of voice you have when speaking in total honesty. From some, it sounds empty, but from you it was a compliment of the highest order.

Thank you also for that, but it is you who were and no doubt are the genius, not me.

I’m out of your life, as it should be. With a husband and family to care for, and to be cared for by, you don’t need peeps like me interposing themselves intentionally or not. Live your own life, grow, learn, feel joy in every sunrise, and don’t worry about me. That too is how it should be. I won’t seek you out, but if we meet again, I won’t avoid you, and be well, Lilia, be happy, you’ve deeply influenced my taste in and views of women…

You are and always will be my fondest regret.

As I was when we were both taking Latin together in high-school,

Troianus sum.

About these ads

About Troythulu

I seek to learn through this site and others how to better my ability as a person and my skill at using my reason and understanding to best effect. I do fractal artwork as a hobby, and I'm working to develop it to professional levels, though I've a bit to go till I reach that degree of skill! This is a crazy world we're in, but maybe I can do a little, if only that, to make it a bit more sane than it otherwise would be.

Posted on Monday, 0:31, May 30, 2011, in Rants and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Very beautiful, and tragic. I bet it feels good to get it off your chest, though. Oh how we wish we had the head we have now, on our young shoulders back then. I’ve been reading about letters people have written. I particularly enjoy the ones where people write to their younger selves. Maybe you should write to your younger self and tell him what a fool he was? I’d certainly have a lot to say to my younger self.


Commenting below. No spam or trolling, or my cats will be angry.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Beautiful Life with Cancer

Discovering the Gift


80's Revivalists UNITE!

Writing Popular Fiction

Sharmishtha Basu

paintings, poems and thoughts

Realm of Empress Musie

Sharmishtha Basu's poetries

"songbird sings to sun" ebook in amazon

Colours and words two muses dancing together


Realm of Musie (my muse)

Marianne Talbot Philosophy

Marianne is Director Of Studies in Philosophy at the University of Oxford's Department for Continuing Education

La Audacia de Aquiles

El Mundo Visible es Sólo un Pretexto

Optimal Human Modulation

Your Space To Defrag

Words on a blackboard

In a world of poems, words steal love and put it on a blackboard

Math Outlet

Math Resources For Elementary Teachers

Kurt Brindley

only fear remains

Author -Carole Parkes

Psychological, thriller, mystery, secrets, betrayal, adoption, romance, poetry, art

Some Bad Plankton

creative outlet plugged in


I don't want believe I want to know. - Carl Sagan

Physics and Art

The strange case of Dr. August and Mr. von Orth.

Charlotte Cuevas, Author

Current writing projects: 52 Flashes of Fiction & The 365 Poetry Project: Year 2 is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

Deidra Alexander's Blog

I have people to kill, lives to ruin, plagues to bring, and worlds to destroy. I am not the Angel of Death. I'm a fiction writer.



Riley Amos Westbook

A fantasy Author with too much free time on his hands.

Kelsey's Cluttered Bookshelf

My ramblings about books and other random things.

Radhika Mukherjee

Writer. Editor. Dreamer. Eco-Feminist.

The Nerd Nebula

The Nucleus of the Universe for all Nerd Hacks!

The Skeptical Teacher

Musings of a science teacher & skeptic in an age of woo.

Sucheta the Scribbler

Random. Purely Random. And then some more...

Eric Ian Huffman

I've come to Write.

Woodland Rambles

A writer, a dog, and miles of trails

A.D. Martin

writing - novels - film - television - video games - other stuff

Sausey is Sexy...

Humor, Dating, Sex, and a Whole bunch of Sause...


A writing site



UP!::urban po'E.Tree(s)

by po'E.T. and the colors of pi

Mik Mob's Music Mass

share your favourite tunes with The Mob

Something Like a Storybook

This is where Morgan Bradham shares stuff.

Project i•Am•You

Awareness. Lifestyle. Motivation. Spirituality. Inspiration.


This site is all about ideas

Zebra Humor

The world's biggest collection of zebra jokes!


This site is the cat’s pajamas


All about (our) cats. Food, toys and other cat related products


living in the shoes of a woman

Ray Jay Perreault

Science Fiction writing about aliens with lives you can relate to.

Spirituality Exploration Today

Delving into the cross roads of rationality and intuition

The Wrong Triangle

Obscurum per obscurius | Ignotum per ignotius


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 3,110 other followers

%d bloggers like this: